January 27, 2016

2015: A Hump Year

The year 2015 was just one of those years. Nothing big happened. It won't go down in history for our family. It just simply was another year with 365 days. It wasn't a bad year but it wasn't one to write home about. I couldn't find the peaks but at the same time there were no lows.

It was a hump year; a year that had to pass to get onto the next year. For me another way to describe 2015 is it was a "blah" year.

I struggled this last year. I wasn't sad or depressed. It was more like I lacked energy or motivation to do anything other than what I had to. I was happy but not the kind of happy that always found me with a skip in my step. I knew as we got closer to the year 2016 I needed to do some deep soul searching on why I felt the way I did. The blahness needed to find its way out but I knew I needed to figure out what was causing it first.

After a while I figured it out. After years of one trial after another 2015 was the first year that we didn't find ourselves in one. Now not all of these trials were bad; actually most of them were awesome but each trial had us adjusting our life. Here is a run down of the last 13 years;

graduated from college and moved from North Dakota to California. Started being adults and working full time.

bought our first house and a month later found out Paul had cancer. Spent the next 10 months fighting those dang cancer cells with chemo & radiation.

infertility found us and for the next 3 years. I did more drugs than I thought possible, cried and ached over 2 babies who I would never feel kick me or hold in my arms to finally become pregnant with the twins.

spent the next year adjusting to life of a married couple to a life as a family of 4. Let's just say it wasn't an easy adjustment. Hello sleep deprivation. Along with switching jobs from adults to babies and days to nights I could hardly figure out when I was suppose to sleep.

and then hello baby #3. We weren't planning you but what a blessing you became. Your "split" lip and crazy hair made us quickly fall in love with you.

wouldn't you know 16 months later baby #4 would surprise us too but you were only here for 10 weeks preparing my womb for what God had planned next for us. 

a couple months later we got a surprise of a lifetime when our 2 non-viable embryos along with our 2 okay embryos decided to take up residence in my uterus

the next 7 months I had only one mission...to get 4 babies here safely. We followed those months in survival mode trying to make it as a family of 9 for the next year.

a year later we needed space and we moved to the country where our kids could run and yell all they wanted without the neighbors calling CPS.

soon after we moved we had our second cancer scare and my life stood still for 2 months. I couldn't deal with 7 young kids and a husband battling cancer. I wasn't that strong and God thankfully agreed.

instead I would just have surgery and spend a full three months recovering the following summer.

and all that lead us to 2015.

A year when there was nothing life changing. It was just us living our life and apparently this OCD mom likes change. Who knew?? I am a planner and live for routine so why do I need my life to be one of chaos, adrenaline and lots of sleepless nights? I have no idea and still have not figured it out to be honest. 

I'm not looking for a roller coaster ride in 2016 so instead I needed to figure out what I could do for myself to give me the change I needed to give me the thrill I apparently seek. I won't change jobs unless it means I can be a full time stay at home mom. I won't be having another baby. We aren't moving at this moment. Adoption papers haven't been started. And I am most certainly not asking for any more medical challenges. So instead I am becoming a healthier me. This includes becoming a runner (I have a long way to go but 27 days into the year I am still going strong!), getting more sleep, eating food that is healthy instead of only made of chocolate, and working on my relationships with my husband, children and also friends.

I will not allow 2016 to be blah. Instead in a year I hope to say this year was awesome and I am a better person because of the year that followed the hump year. 

And this is how the majority of the dyi holiday pictures turn out on my usb card. Good thing we live in the digital era!!

1 comment:

  1. Whew! For a second I thought you were hoping for drama ;) taking up healthier habits? Perfect!!!


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