August 09, 2015

Happy 3rd Birthday Babies

You are all 3. You are no longer babies in my book and I have held on to saying you were 2 until the very last day. You are no longer babies. No longer toddlers. Instead you are now little boys and girls. This last year had it's challenges but it has been so fun to watch you learn about the world around you and become part of it. I have loved being able to do more with you which means we spend more time as a family than we do separated. We go to church together. You to to school events. You go out to eat with us and sit in big chairs without boosters. You play in the yard with the rest of us. You are growing up.

This is the first year that I can say you are more of a group than individuals. Yes, you have your own personalities and likes but you are always aware of one another. If one is missing you know where they are. If someone is not keeping up with us when we are out you stop and start crying because you think we are leaving without one of your halves. You tuck each other in and give each other kisses. You pair up and play with one another more than you ever have. You are four individual people but you have a bond between the four of you and I know from watching your twin sisters that the bond you have will be unlike any relationship you have with anyone else in life. It is a connection that most of us will never understand.

Kenzie (Baby A)
My little peanut...though you are the oldest you are often seen as the baby of the family. You enjoy this roll when it involves being held which is basically anytime that we are walking anywhere. Whether it is going up or down the stairs, out to the car, in a store or even just to go to the bathroom. You love to be held and voice your dislike when we tell you that you can walk. Your favorite quad sibling is Tate and not surprising, your favorite big sibling is Drew. You love adventure and though you may be little you will not let your size stop you from trying anything. You love driving as the passenger in our toy jeeps and the faster the better in your little world. Your speech is the most delayed and I will be happy when you can put words to all your high pitch scream/yell/loudness you do. People often think that because you only weigh 21lbs you must not eat and you love to show everyone that you can eat just as much as your brothers and sisters. Though I often have to remind you that you are not a princess in this house I want you to know that you are so loved and you also have your daddy wrapped around your finger. Happy 3rd Birthday Kenzie Rae!

Isabella (Baby B)
Oh Isabella, just thinking about what to write makes me shake my head because girl, you are one that lets everyone know if you are not happy with life. You can be the most content child but look at you wrong, tell you no, or just simply ask you to do something you don't want to and you will have yourself thrown on the ground. Thankfully over the last couple of weeks you have figured out when you need time to cool off you go to mom and dad's room and close the door. Unfortunately you don't always come out when you are done crying and it sometimes takes us a little while to figure out you are still hiding in our room. We always say that if you and Natalie would have been frozen together and been born first we probably would only have two kids! We know that this stubbornness and independence will take you and your sister far but it may make mom and dad a little crazy in the mean time. You absolutely love to be asked if you are pretty and reward us with the most beautiful grin. Your favorite quad sibling is Rylan and Aubrey would be your favorite big kid. You love your babies, whether they are real or pretend, you love them all. Isabella I can not believe you are 3 already. I love you more than you can imagine. Happy Birthday Baby Girl!

Tate (Baby C)
My big boy Tate. You may be big in stature but you are the most scared kid ever. You do not like loud noises. You do not like dogs. You do not like being more than 2 feet from us when we are out in public. In so many ways you remind me so much of your brother Drew and the one place we see this the most is in your persistence. You will not let things just be. You have to remind us over and over and even if we heard what you said you find the need to say the exact same thing at least another 5 times. And Dude, we know you want to eat the minute you get out of bed but your mama will never hop out of her nice comfy bed to fix you breakfast at 6am. Give up and wait until at least 7 please. You love being outside and if you can't find you inside, we will most certainty find you outside in the garage or the backyard totally content with some toy. You are the best at always wearing shoes outside but you don't like the no shoes rule in the house. You are the biggest eater but you are also the one who voices their dislikes the most but in the end you always end up eating those dislikes because otherwise you would not get seconds. You will pass on sweets 80% of the time. You really don't have a favorite sibling in either group. You are happiest with whoever wants to go outside, play nerf guns or rough house indoors. Tate you may be the biggest but you love your mama and never pass on cuddle time. You make your mama proud. Happy Birthday Tater Tot!

Rylan (Baby D)
You are trouble and have been since before you were born. You have mastered the 'smirk' and are so dang cute when you try and act innocent. I still believe you will be a pick pocketer or an engineer when you grow up and I am hoping for the latter one! Your favorite pastime is to take toys that someone else is playing with. You have figured out how to avoid naps and that is by not starting to eat your lunch until after everyone else has finished.You often cry but the majority of the time it is fake and it is amazing how long you can keep your 'cry' going. We do know that you have a soft side though because you can often be seen walking with Isabella picking flowers or just checking life out. You are also very quick to comfort anyone who is sad. In the mornings you always greet me with a "hi mommy" as soon as you see me and it is said in the sweetest voice ever. I often wonder what kind of teenager you will be but I am thankful I don't have a crystal ball because I think you may give me a run for my money. So for today I am going to love on my 3 year old and allow my heart to melt when you give me that sly smile when I ask you if you are trouble. Happy Birthday Rylan James!

You 4 are now THREE!!! I have no idea how it is true but I hope this is your best year yet. I can not wait to see how you change and grow over the next year as you make your way to being 4. My prayer for you on your birthday is that you will find more reasons to smile and giggle than you have ever before.

I love you Babies!

August 08, 2015

Reliving a Day

Tomorrow is your big day. Tomorrow you are 3! I can not comprehend how my babies have already been here for 3 full years. It has been one of the most wild rides ever; from learning we were expecting not triplets but in fact 4 babies to having 4 babies grow, kick and move in my tummy to staring at my babies through isolette port holes with tears down my face wondering what I could have down to keep you all inside longer to having you all home that very first night to questioning every milestone you were late on and wondering if you were 'normal' to watching you take those first steps when I felt you all would be okay to watching you become little people who had a voice (or at least a high pitch scream) to boys and girls who spoke the words "mommy & daddy" to now being independent 3 year olds who have their own ideas and yet still fit perfectly as the babies of the family. At times it has been scary. At times it has been trying. At times it has been plain exhausting Yet it is a journey I would never trade because the joy you for bring me and the smiles & hugs I receive for just simply being your mom is worth all the difficult days.

Tomorrow we will be celebrating you; Kenzie, Isabella, Tate & Rylan. Though I will love watching you blow out your candles there is a part of me who wants to curl up in a rocking chair, over looking the ocean and while the waves crash against the rocks I want to allow myself to relive the day that took place 3 years ago. I want to feel the raw emotions from that day just one more time.

Going to the doctors office the morning of August 9th for a routine appointment but with a bag packed with the hope that I would be admitted just to keep a closer eye on my babies. 

Hearing that Baby A had once again not grown and it was time to deliver within the next 24-48 hours. The fear of having one baby who was not thriving but knowing delivering just shy of 31 weeks put all of them at risk. I cried because I was scared. I was failing my babies. I was not done being pregnant. I was not ready to know if all my babies would survive because if the answer was not I was not prepared.

Paul asking me if I wanted a wheelchair for the short walk from the high risk doctor office to the hospital and me saying no I wanted to walk. Partially because I wanted to walk and partly because I am stubborn.

Sitting on the bench outside the hospital on the most beautiful morning. The sun warm but not too hot. The birds singing. Me telling my mom that we were having a birthday party this weekend and allowing the tears to come once again because I needed my mom to tell me everything was going to be okay. Paul stood next to me pacing as he and his mom made the decision of whether or not his dad needed to catch the next flight because he only had 10 minutes to decide otherwise he would not have time to get to the airport and board the plane. 

Riding the elevator and a family asking me how many babies I was carrying. I answered 4 expecting the usual answers and instead they told me their daughter/sister just delivered identical triplets 5 days earlier.

Waiting for the high risk doctor on call in the hospital to come in and tell us the game plan. Paul trying to decide when the best time to run home was without missing the doctor nor the birth of his babies. Hearing her say that she was going to try and give us 72 more hours before making a decision because she was hoping complete hospital bed rest would buy us a little more time with Baby A. I smiled for the 1st time in hours. 

Getting ready to complete our 2nd round of monitoring for the day just shy of 8 o'clock. Praying that it would go as fast as the earlier session because lying on my back for any length of time was not easy. Being asked what Baby D's heart rate was earlier and having the nurse tell me they were getting 70. I asked her if it was my heart rate she was picking up? She called in another nurse and they checked a little longer. I still wasn't too alarmed at this moment but once the charge nurse walked in and put an oxygen mask on my face I knew we were at the end. 

I had Paul call my mom and tell her to come back. Paul asked me when she should come and I responded NOW. He needed to call his mom and she needed to come. We called our friends because they needed to figure out what to do with our other three kiddos. Someone needed to pick up Paul's dad who would be landing within the hour. We needed out photographer. We needed our village.

I got iv's. I got a catheter. Baby D's heart rate was back up to 110-120bpm. The ob on call confirmed it was Baby D's heart rate and not mine by ultrasound and said he would be assisting with the delivery. My high risk doctor who I loved would be delivering my babies. The same man who reassured me at 10 weeks that I could do this and my body could handle it. I posted on facebook that the babies were coming. I was calm through all of this until my mom walked in the room and handed me a rosary. I finally allowed myself to cry when I saw how scared she was in her eyes. I asked if I could walk to the OR and think I was laughed at. Our photographer showed up just as I was being wheeled out of room 210. 

The OR was quiet. Everyone was scrubbing in. It was just me, the anesthesiologist and the OR tech. I had time to pray. I had time to try and comprehend that I was going to be meeting my 4 miracles. I was trying to find a way they could stall for 90 minutes so their birthday could be on our 10th wedding anniversary. I was trying to come to terms that I had failed my babies by only making it to 30.5 weeks. 

People started coming in. My epidural had been placed which gave me the shakes just like it had with my other two labors. My husband, the love of my life, the father of my babies came in and told me everyone had made it. He was a fearful giddy and though he was nervous he did everything he could to stay strong. I was in a complete state of peace. 

The tears came when I heard my peanut cry. My Baby A was a girl and though she was tiny she cried. It was what I needed to hear to know that everything was going to be okay. Next was Baby B also a girl. I never remember her crying but Paul had told me she had. I now know she didn't and she required the longest resuscitation but Baby B was born at 10:25pm. I thought we had 3 girls as Baby C was being delivered because I heard the doctor say, "come hear sweetheart" but it wasn't long after that I heard my husband say, "we have another boy" with tears in his voice. My heart melted for the man who was so proud to have another son. My first thought when they held him up was 'He is a mini Drew'. I knew Baby D was going to be a boy. I needed to hear him cry. I needed to know he was okay. I wanted the delivery to be over so I could know how my other three babies were. Baby D came out crying. He competed our foursome. 

My babies were all here. I was the mother of 7 children. I had done the job I had been given; to grow 4 babies in my womb at one time and get them here safely. Though I was so happy they were all healthy it would take me over 9 months to stop grieving that I had delivered them 9 weeks early. The birth of the quads is a day of so many emotions; those of being scared, of complete peace, of grieving, of joy. Babies know as I am watching you tomorrow on your 3rd birthday I am also watching the clock thinking about the day 3 years earlier and allowing myself to relive it just one more time.

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