April 14, 2015

A New Trend

Something has been bothering me for a while and more and more I am getting frustrated with a particular trend so I am voicing it today. It has to deal with parents of high order multiples setting up a Go Fund Me account or similar accounts and literally asking people out right to send monetary donations. Some families have gone as far as posting their personal address on their quad or quint Facebook pages, security people! The one reason I have not said anything before is because I have a feeling at some point we will be doing adoption fundraising to bring our son or daughter home so I do not want people to say that I am against high order multiples asking for donations but am okay if it is me raising funds for an adoption. With our fundraising it will include raffles, yard sales, and a puzzle to raise money. Though I would love to save up $30-$40,000, which is the average cost to adopt a child from China, it may not be possible to have a lump sum of that amount at one time so we will turn to fundraising. That said I still have a major issue every time I see a new account set up for someone who has been blessed with quads or more.




Is raising kids cheap? No but sometimes you need to adjust your lifestyle and when you find out you are expecting high order multiples this may be the time you may have to reevaluate. When we found out we were expecting quads we were a single family income. Paul's gig with his home business came to a very abruptend end for the single reason we knew we needed another income to support our growing family. Never once did we go to our church asking for handouts (though they did run a diaper drive which we are forever thankful for), we didn't start a blog with the specific reason being to ask people for money, and we didn't run to family asking them to support us. Paul got a full time job, we cut back on things in our life and I started hunting garage sales to find used baby equipment. It was our responsibility to provide for our kids.




When I was pregnant with the quads I can't remember a single mom in my  quad group saying they had set up a gofundme account. It just wasn't a thing in 2012 but now almost every single new mom has a family fb page with a donation site attached. It bothers a lot of us older moms that this is occurring because it is giving a bad image to the public eye that high order multiple families are looking for handouts and can't financially support their kids. We already have enough image issues thanks to the octomom and do not need another bad stereotype attached to us. We all have had to purchase 4 car seats, 4 cribs, 4 of so many things. We all have had enormous amounts of doctor visits and nicu stays. Some have had a large amount of medical bills compared to others but until recently everyone figured out how to do this without asking the public and people they had never met to pay for these things. Often you will hear these new mom say they won't be able to work but this is not true. Paul and I both work full time and do it without using a nanny. It can be done. In fact between my quad mom bff's all 5 of us work and so do our husbands. We all support our families without one penny being given to us nor do any of us receive government assistance.




The quads are now 2.5 years old and somehow we have been blessed beyond measure the last couple of years. Some days Paul and I look at each other and wonder how we got here compared to how it was 4 years ago when Paul called me asking me to put $5 cash in our account because he was 90 miles away from home, out of gas, we had cut up all of our credit cards and we had less than a dollar in our bank account. I am not lying people though I wish I was. We had some ugly financial times in our marriage that someday I promise I will share but with hard work we are at a very different spot today. Does that mean we spend like crazy and take elaborate vacations? I wish. Instead we watch every dollar we spend (Paul more than me), we seldom go out to eat compared to pre-Drew days, I make things like our own laundry soap & deodorant, most of my kids clothes are hand me downs, our kids don't get to be in every extracurricular activity and we take very few vacations but we don't ask for people to support us and we are almost debt free even with having 7 kids.




I am going to move on and though I hope getting this off my shoulders will make me less frustrated every time I see a new account set up for high order multiple family I don't think it will. What I do want to say to all of those who are newly pregnant with 4, 5 or 6 babies is you can do this on your own. You will be amazed at how many people, without you asking, will save their hand me downs or maybe your church will throw a surprise baby shower for you but you do not need people you don't know to support your kids. So many quad moms were here before the gofundme craze and did it, so can you.




12 comments:

  1. This post is spot on! I'm glad I'm not the only quad mom who thinks this way!

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  2. I get frustrated with this in general, not just high order multiples. My husband and I have had some scary days financially but we worked hard, got second jobs and made sure that we didn't spend on unneccessary things and dug ourselves out of debt. We never asked for hand outs regardless of the reason needed. Gofundme sort of breeds the entitlement mentality that we face in this generation. People are now expecting that whenever something happens to them that someone should set up an account in their honor. I'm super impressed with you guys doing it on your own and making the best of an incredible blessing that can be a costly one. :)

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  3. I couldn't agree more! We have gone through some very tough times in the past 6 years but begging for a handout and expecting others to fund you is totally unacceptable.

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  4. I feel the same way! My quads are 2 and when we went to the news coverage a lot of people were asking the news station how to donate money. So I made a go fund me but then I didn't even end up giving the news station the password because it felt all too weird. However I never turned down diaper donations (; haha

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  5. I am an HOM and I did not set up gofundme, but I did use WIC, I am sorry this offends you, but it's what my family needed to do. We are now debt free, not bc of WIC, but bc of other things, but WIC helped us stay afloat.

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    1. I don't think WIC is anything like gofundme! Actually, it sounds a little like the baby bonus we have in Canada, which is monthly supplement that every family in Canada can apply for. It is based on household income and the number of children you have. The baby bonus has been incredibly helpful in helping us make ends meet, especially as a single income family.

      The whole gofundme thing has really bothered me too, because I think that people that actually have legitimate needs that can't be met in any other way get buried under the oodles of people, who, as Krista says, are asking for money just so that they don't need to change the way they have been living.

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    2. I think WIC is a wonderful program and am so glad you were able to take part in it. And a huge congratulations on being debt free. I can not wait to be in your same spot. Yay for you guys, not many people can say that these days. My statement about government assistance was just saying that among my very close friends all of us are able to have two parents working because it is often a misconception that those with large families can not have two parents who bring in income. I apologize if I put shame in those who use WIC. By no means was that my intention.

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    3. Anonymous, like you I had help from WIC the first year and am forever grateful for it!!! To me that is comparing apples to oranges. WIC is in place because there are families who have legitimate financial needs. That is not a bad thing. Neither is a community that steps in and helps out families with needs. That is what community is for!!! GoFundMe is a good tool for many situations... but I like how Krista points out that people raising HOMs or large families CAN successfully do it on their own with good ol' fashion lifestyle changes and hard work. It is not easy (neither is getting debt free, for the love!) but it CAN be done :)

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  6. The new parents of 5 girls will make a bunch of money off the tv interviews and probably a TLC reality show. Not to mention all of the donations they'll receive. I'm sure they are hoping someone will buy them a new house too since it was already conveniently mentioned how they have to make their small house work.. People are sending requests to Ellen to help, probably hoping she will buy them a new van or a house smh.That's why they started the blog, to get money and since being deemed the only ones to give birth to 5 girls(I don't see that as exhilarating news), they will end up with more money than they would ever have had otherwise. Soon we will see their new big house, a new van etc.

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    1. Hard to imagine why anyone would willingly spread their kids lives all over tv and magazines and whatnot. Especially the TLC route that some recent HOMs have gone! Blogs are one thing, IMO, but TV shows? Magazines on every newsstand? The kids didn't sell their privacy, their parents did.

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  7. I am a long time reader, never posted before now.. but I'm really curious how you can say that large families shouldn't set up go fund me pages and in the same sentence talk about setting up such an account to adopt. It sets a bad precedent to say that in order to raise the 30K for an adoption you have to ask for help. We've raised this money multiple times... I know it's hard, but it is doable. Please rethink having someone else pay for your children.

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