August 18, 2012

Thursday, August 16: One week old!!

How can you be a week old already and at the same time how has it only been a week? So much has happened this week and you and all doing so well. I never thought that in a weeks time we would have three kids off bubbles and already moved to into the intermediate room (that was today's big accomplishment for Tate, Isabella and Kenzie!). 

Rylan you still remain in the front room and on bcpap but I don't think it will be long. You are all off your bili lights and now it's time for you to learn to eat and stop dropping your heart rates. This morning mom and dad went home to spend a little time with the big kids. I was so ready to see them. We had gotten a text saying Aubrey had thrown up during the night and I was so hoping it was a fluke. Daddy has a full blown cold so we already knew he was not coming back to the hospital. We got home and the kids were so excited to see us. It felt great to shower in my shower and get dressed in real (maternity) clothes. We had planned on going out for lunch and then doing some shopping for the babies. We went to lunch and as soon as we got to the table Aubrey started crying that her tummy was hurting. She wanted to go home so Paul took her home and I had lunch with Drew and Natalie and both were on their best behavior. I had mine and Paul's lunch packed to go and then Paul picked us up. The three of them then drove me back to the hospital. While driving back Drew kept picking on Natalie and at one point The following conversation happened, "Drew mom doesn't get to spend much time with us right now. Please don't make her mad, let's be good". Drew responded with "oh". When did my girls become such big girls?!? 

I got to come back and hold three of the kiddos. Tate had a wonderful nursing session and the girls decided snuggles were enough for the day. Rylan you looked tired but comfortable. You are now getting 11ml every 3 hours and tolerating it well. Grandma Pat came up and held Isabella, Tate and Kenzie for the first time and then came to the trailer and had a glass or two of wine while I ate dinner.
Grandma Pat and Tate

Your mom is so in love with you Tate

Grandma and Kenzie

I then went up to the nicu again but didn't last long. My emotions are running high. As the 8:00 hour approached I kept fighting more and more tears. Life changed so quickly at that time a week ago. The guilt of not making it longer is a constant struggle even seeing how good the kids are doing. I have yet to hold my little boy and it is hard to know that he has been lying in an isolette for a week while I have been holding his brother and sisters for six days. I know these emotions are due to hormone shifts and being tired and it will get better. But for tonight I am going to watch their birth video and cry as much as I need to. A good nights rest will also help make life look a little better along with some motivation from my fellow quad mom friends! 

Rylan, Tate, Isabella, Kenzie, Drew, Aubrey & Natalie you are all so loved. (That is the first time I have written your names and boy is there a lot!! Wouldn't have it any other way...)

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